


Be This Way

by Yesthatsmynaturalcolour



Category: Fall Out Boy, Fuck City
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Child Death, Death, Family Member Death, M/M, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-12
Updated: 2015-12-05
Packaged: 2018-04-08 21:40:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4321761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yesthatsmynaturalcolour/pseuds/Yesthatsmynaturalcolour
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn’t a big overnight explosion of insanity. It was slow, people were dying and turning while they were on tour even. It was suppose to get better. It never did. Of course it didn’t, like every stereotype things were handled improperly, people fucked up and it spread faster than it could be contained. </p>
<p>It's the end of the world, and there just trying to survive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Three, Two, One

**Author's Note:**

> Pairings and characters may be added as this goes??? But lets see.

“The cities burning.” Joe mumbled, leaning against the deck and pointing to the faint slight of Portland off in the distance, soft shadows in sunset light and the flames must be pretty big to been seen from here. Andy leaned against the bannister next to him sighing. He was use to the city burning now but it didn’t mean it still didn’t hurt to see. He’d moved here because Portland just...the nature all around and vegan atmosphere. Close to LA. Like any of that mattered now. 

“That’s probably another gas station….Survivors probably fighting over it, or the Z’s got to it.” He offered, fire’s were not uncommon in the pure chaos of the city below. Survivors who panicked, or zombies who were just doing zombie things bumping into stuff and one thing happens, another, and boom. “I’ll have Matt mark up the map, mark the location, whatever did it the Z’s are going to be flocked around it.” Joe shifted pressing up against the other and shifting his arm around Andy’s waist, who the other gladly accepted and leaned into. 

“Supply run in a week.” He whispered resting his forehead on Andy’s shoulder, his voice tense already at the mention of leaving the safety of here to go into the chaos below. They did Supply runs once a month, and never waited to be out of something before getting more. You never wait until you're low on something, because if you can’t find it you're fucked. At least this way they knew and they could ration it less until they found a way to get more, or not use any at all until they got more. “You want me to go on this one?” Andy twisted around, to face Joe instead of the city and woods. Running his fingers through the curls and breathing in. Joe smelled like stale water, and earth. Dirt and soil that he’d probably been digging in around today planting more into the garden. Showers were a luxury saved for when they were covered in blood from going into the city, even then they used wet towels mostly so Joe just had this constant, stale earth to him that Andy found more soothing than any peace. 

“I always want you to go.” Andy offered, smiling lightly. He did though, because with Joe with him he knew everything was okay. “But..we’ll see when we compile this times shopping list.” No need to bring Joe if he wasn’t needed. To many risks to calculate. They stayed like that, curled around one another until the sun finished setting and the flood lights flashed off. Curling their fingers together to head inside, it was Patrick’s night to make dinner and it was guaranteed to taste better than John’s night. Andy can’t remember when things really went to hell, they were on tour together nothing really out of the normal. It wasn’t a big overnight explosion of insanity. It was slow, people were dying and turning while they were on tour even. It was suppose to get better. It never did. Of course it didn’t, like every stereotype things were handled improperly, people fucked up and it spread faster than it could be contained. 

Deciding to stay at Andy’s was more of a convenience than anything, the rest of the tour was canceled and it was the closest place to stay until flights resumed, which of course they never did. Andy wonders if they had been anywhere else, if things would of been different. If they’d finished the tour and everyone had gone home, what it be like. Things aren’t perfect, there’s plenty of people they all wish they knew were okay but there together and that was important. They’d turned Andy’s home into a fortress. He’d already had a gun collection but they stocked up, and stored it well. Organized everything went through food that’ll spoil first and kept the other stuff shelved and stocked. The good thing about the deck was you had a clear view of anyone trying to walk up to the house from the city. They had it on lock, installing battery motion operated cameras before this shit even started was benefitting them like crazy. Same with the garden that Andy had wanted when they’d moved and Joe had taken over growing vegetables and fruits they both loved. It meant that food wasn’t something they constantly had to worry about, a private beach gave them access to a lot more water than average, it was a matter of filtering the salt to make it safe for the plants and that was it. They were stocked. 

Patrick had always kind of been the group's doctor back in the van days, always patching them up and making sure they were good to go when they got hurt on Tour or just doing Pete things. So he ended up taking the same role, with some help from Kelly, when it came to the others getting hurt in the construction of the house and the guys when they went out into the city. Andy earned more scars in this year alone than his entire life. They fell into roles of survival somehow though. Guess when it came down to it, death was the only other choice next to adapt. Andy had been joking a lot, maybe, but he truly was ready for an end at some point. Maybe he didn’t imagine things that went to rip your throat out, but he wasn’t surprised when shit hit the fan and hellfire rained with it. He was never really a leader, and never believed anyone should lead anyone, but he did offer all the advice he had to the group and they made the choices based on that.

The rules of Fuck City Apocalypse were simple. All items and supplies are obtained by finding them, there’s no stealing or looting from anyone. If they show up somewhere and they were beat to it, they leave. To many people died from looting, they were well off enough to be find for a couple months without any supply runs and stealing from those who needed it was one way ticket to chaos. Rule two, no killing. Now zombies were one thing, they were dead and it was the way it was. Right along with looting though, there’s enough death from the monsters walking around with them, they don’t need to be putting their bullets in people. They also refused to hurt or harm anyone unless it came down to no other way. John had to put his knife in someone's throat once on a supply run, the guy had Kyle pinned, was going to kill him and all talking down was failing. Nothing was working and if any of them waited any longer they would of lost him. It was shitty, and he still seemed ruined over it. But there was nothing they could do, people went crazy in times like this. Andy didn’t like the motto Kill or be killed, but sometimes, sometimes shit had to happen and no one was ever going to be proud of it. 

Joe, Andy, Mixon, John held up one room, with Patrick, Kage, Ryan and Pete in another, Kelly and Kim held the final room, which also was their medical room and slight storage. It was nice and really it was for sleeping so no one really cared who ended up with who. Sometimes they all pile into one when the nights just feel to heavy and no one can get out of the mental space that the end of the world is here, and there together, but a lot of others aren’t. Whispering of lost friends and old memories in the middle of the night. Friends and family they’d probably never see again, lost to everything and the chaos around them. 

“I’m just taking Mix.” Andy hummed pulling on his jacket and smiling at Joe. “We don’t need much and with the explosion last week I want to stay small and quick.” Mixon was always a guarantee on supply runs, Andy brought him without fail. Anyone else was optional and he chose depending on what they needed and what was scoped out down below. Putting him in charge of all that had kept them alive this long when many had failed, they weren’t going to stop now. He’d been ready for stuff like this years before and there jokes towards him were coming a bit back to bite them in the ass. At least one of them had some preparedness to them. “Listen for my radio calls at night, should take us three, four days to get in and around unless we run into issues caused by the gas station or whatever it was.” Joe nodded, slipping his fingers carefully around the others waist and helping him attach his holster to his waist before leaning down and pulling him into a kiss. 

“Don’t take risks.” He whispered. “I’ll be waiting to hear from you every night alright?” It was never a good feeling to watch Andy go outside, know he was going down to the city, he’s smart and not at all weak. Loaded and already been doing this for a long time, but Joe still worries. One slip, one missed Z, and Andy won’t be coming back ever. Joe could only sit back at the house, keep stock, and wait. He kissed Andy again, rough and dry and moved to kiss his forehead. Closing his eyes before Matt tapped on the doorway. 

“We gotta go.” Andy nodded hefting his bag on and being careful to strap it on, leaning up to kiss Joe one last time.

“I’ll be home soon okay?” Joe nodded, watching the two of them head out meeting with Kage. The bright green logo of their Fuck City jackets standing out against all the black as Andy pulled his hood on and they whispered among, taking off into the woods and towards the city. Joe watched from the stairs for awhile before Kim called him inside to help with some video cameras. Nothing he could do until the radio call.


	2. Chapter 2

Heavy boots hit the pavement hard, they were not ideal to run in, but they were ideal for kicking down doors and kicking in windows and not getting shit shoved into your foot. Being in the city meant one thing, being fast, being observant, and being quick to think. Fail just one and it was all over. Andy turned down the alley and Matt was quick on his heels, the two cutting through corners and around packs of Z’s. 

“There’s a lot more than normal clustered around this part.” Matt pointed out, jumping over a stack of trash cans and catching his feet following behind Andy quickly. 

“The fire must of pushed them back a ways, this must of been the ideal direction, we’ll take a roundabout way back we won’t be as fast with the stuff.” Matt nodded, it made sense they’d still be fast as all even with the stuff but when it came to Andy’s orders he’d learned Andy really knew what he was talking about. He kept them alive this long, he wasn’t about to doubt him. They’d cut through a building, up some stairs and jumped a few of the connected roofs, jumping a few feet to get to the other before running down the stairs and back out to the street. They knew what buildings hadn’t been looted. Carefully marked each and every one on the map knows where to go if they want the stuff. There going to start having to run farther and farther out, which is shit to think about but they need to survive and supplies will run low. Soon they’ll have to be gone weeks...maybe vehicles. He likes to think they’ll make it long enough for that to be the major concern. Now though, now he has to focus on the pound of Andy’s feet on the ground and the green letters of his jacket in front of him sticking out behind the backpack. 

It was going to take a little longer than average to get to the sections they needed to hit on this supply run with the explosion. Not knowing the exact location and only a vague sighting didn’t make it easy, and anywhere could be flooded with not only Z’s but Z’s on fire for all they knew. Right amount of fuel, nothing to put it out and a lot of dead meat to burn those fuckers not only smelled terrible but they burned for a long time. 

“Six ahead.” Andy called skidding to a stop and dropping down tugging his bat free, they’d run through so many weapons and situations always asked for different things but a metal bat was the best distance next to a gun or bow, and the least likely to end in self injury and self infection. He’d really just overthought everything from years of learning and reading. Guns made loud noises, and were only used if you were pinned and had no other choice. Knives got you to close, axes got stuck, modified bats ended up with swing back that could rip you open. “Let’s try avoiding using the bows as much as we can, until we can get restocked on the arrows.” Matt nodded tugging his bat out adjusting his gloves while Andy did the same and climbing up. There they were, blocking the alley exit for the last cross they needed to make before they started hitting the flame area and then unexplored lands. 

Andy use to worry, wonder and think about the people they were before. Wonder if someone was out there looking for them, or if someone would find a cure that would fix the effects. After awhile though, it becomes to much. Too much to think about, wonder about, you can’t risk your life for what if’s and maybes. Can’t risk the lives of those around you, he swings hard the metal hitting skull with a familiar crack, added by the head slamming in the wall. Matt’s right behind him getting one of them before they can get on Andy as he back tracks away. Close clusters were a risk, closed spaces easier to get the drop on someone, but the only other choice would be making noises to drag them into an open space and maybe alerting more than they wanted. Andy kicked the knees in on one, watching it crumble and snap in inhuman ways before he swung. Shaking his head and nodding at Matt, looking around just in case.

“Clear.” He breathed, grimacing at the blood on the bat and rolling his wrists. Matt couldn’t help but laugh the two of them giving themselves a moment before running across the open road and back into the alleys. 

There was a lot more crowd than normal, the smell of burnt everything, and things still burning and Andy tugged up the bandana around his neck, Matt following and unclipping his goggles as they moved. Fluid and practiced movements, protecting themselves because the last thing you wanted was to be coughing or blinded by smoke and fire and get attacked. Nothing was stopping the fire from spreading, it went off last week, and he imagined it just went unleashed upon the run down buildings and cars of the city. They could be miles from the origin point by now. Andy was quick to avoid the paths heavier of smoke as they ran around, and Matt made sure to mentally mark the route and location of flames so they could fill in the map when they got a moment. 

They hit the clearing and it couldn’t of taken any longer, shit was spreading fast, he hoped it hit it’s end point soon. It would suck to lose the city to fire, or any supplies they needed to fire and Andy tugged the goggles off and mask. Clipping it to his bag as they walked through the roads and sidewalks. “It’s suppose to rain tonight.” Andy hummed slowing down but ready to take off at a seconds notice.

“What told you that the weather app.” Matt teased, mainly because their phones were the first tech sacrificed to improving the things that could survive the end of the world. 

“If that’s what we're calling Kage now sure, he saw clouds in the east rolling this way. Estimated that we’d be hit soon.” Matt wasn’t sure how much he trusted Kyle’s weather reading abilities, it was hit or miss because it was the weather and they didn’t have the weather channel and all. 

“So suppose to being the key word.” He grinned when Andy laughed nodding his head in agreement. “We’ll play it safe though don’t need to be slipping around in the sidewalk in the portland rain.” Andy turned a corner and stopped, looking around. 

“I think we’ve hit the road, what was the street called?” Matt tugged the map out of the bag it been modified, edited, and drawn all over. Hearts with JT in the corner done one night while they were talking plans and Joe got bored, dark XXX over the portland label. He looked up at the green street sign, and at the map nodding.

“Yeah here it is….start from one end to the other until dusk and build ourselves a blanket fort in one of them?” Andy hummed, looking around the road, it looked empty. Crashed car here, burned up building there. Nothing insane but it didn’t mean things weren’t hiding away. They got to work wanting to move fast and quick through what they needed so they could get as much as possible before night fall, not wanting to be out at dark, needing sleep before the trek back tomorrow, and knowing they had to check in with the base. 

Most things were looted to be expected but it was easy to scrounge for things hidden away in places people didn’t think to look. Or finding things people didn’t find useful, that they could salvage into something else. They were fast, but thorough moving through the buildings and back rooms, kicking in doors and breaking away boards. Shoving it into the bags and moving on, Andy cleared the rooms, Matt covering his back and making sure that nothing crawled out from behind a bookshelf or something. Hours of digging through things, shifting, breaking and finding what they’d deemed worthy and filled the list. It was around noon when they started, stopping only for a moment for lunch. Laughing over sandwiches and dumb old stories, new stories. Joe getting his hand stuck in a flower pot, and Pete burning dinner one night but them all eating it regardless because food was food and they’d had worse. Night was on them a lot faster than it had been last run, seasons changing. If winter was coming soon they were fucked. They’d have to run for more supplies a lot before the snow hit and they were stuck. 

Andy was in charge of boarding everything up while Matt pulled the map up. Marking it up with everything they found and the route they took. The lantern sitting on the paper casting a glow. He tugged at his gopro, checking the battery life before nodding and securing it back. Whatever he missed would be on that and he could run through it all. Andy flopped down next to him, the gear he was wearing rattling. 

“If your boyfriend packed us more soup for dinner I’m going to break his fingers.” Matt groaned flopping down in the spot he’d shifted into his sleeping spot. Andy made a face, his hands stopping on the quest for dinner buried in their bag. 

“I like his fingers. And his soup.” Matt rubbed at his face tugging his coat around himself a little more.

“I know you do. Don’t worry. The whole house does….but his soup is good but man. It’s just the same damn shit we eat every supply run. How hard is it to pack something else.” Complaints he’d never share with anyone outside of Andy, and never outside this room. It was kind of a therapeutic venting for him, and Andy sometimes got to voice his fears and concerns when he had them. Without worrying the group.

“First, fuck you. Second. He does it because he knows i like it.” He rolled his eyes, tugging the thermos free. “It’s spaghetti before you whine some more.” His voice was light, and teasing. Playing along with Matt’s complaining and the other sighed, sitting up and taking the food. The two shifting to laying down, side by side and legs pressed together sharing the same bag to sleep on. Just breathing in and out in the dark listening to the loud noises of the outside world, and soft movements passing the building. Andy’s watch dinged, and there was movement. Matt watched his face in the small amounts of light they had curling towards the other for warmth and listening to him turn the walkie on. Knowing the entire group was probably gathered around the damn thing waiting for the call even though they always were meant for Joe when he wasn’t there. It was how they checked in, not wanting locations, anything given away. 

“I love you.” Andy whispered softly, the hiss of the radio on top of his voice. He let go of the button the click oddly loud considering all the noise a moment ago and he shifted a little.

The walkie cracked to life, with Joe’s laughter and a soft “I know.” Matt closed his eyes feeling Andy relax at the words turning the walkie off.


	3. See through

Joe watched Andy and Matt head off, watched until he couldn’t anymore they were too far away for him to see, until someone at the house needed him. He sighed turning back heading up the wooden steps and into the house. Things were always strange with people out on supply runs, like a shift of the house was made and everyone was off balance. Maybe it was just Joe, worried about Andy and feeling like any moment could be Matt on the radio, or any moment nothing could happen and nothing would happen for days and they’d both just be gone and they’d all be left not knowing what it was. He sighed pushing his fingers through the curls and giving Kim a smile sitting down at the table to work on the cameras with her.

Andy had security cameras installed in the house long before anything went down, all of them were motion activated. He’d reasoned they’d lived out in the woods, anyone could come wandering up to the house and it was nice to know who it was before they got to close. A few more picked up from around the city when shit went down and wired into the same system, they could see things if they got too close to the house. Mainly it was wild life, and then the occasional Z that wandered away from the packs and needed to be taken care of before it alerted a lot more to where they were hiding. 

“Pete and John went out to the ocean to get more water from the waterfall, so you can water your plants today and the guys can bathe when they get back.” Which would be nice they usually returned smelling like the dead and covered in whatever the hell they crawled or moved through the days they were gone. 

“Good. My tomatoes need a bit of love and care.” He said, voice serious and gruff getting the laugh he wanted out of her. She clipped the camera shut screwing it closed and pushing the power button. 

“Your tomatoes are one of the few things around here that get that kind of attention. It’s a little creepy at times.” She mocked, looking at the screen and the camera in the corner. Joe made a face at it and she nodded scribbling something down. “Just a few second delay. Not enough to cause worry. I’m going to finish up these other two when I’m done will you and John run them out to the locations?” He nodded, they’d went out a few days ago, and Andy had run out to go and get them with Kage it be nice if he came home and they were all set up and going again. One less thing to worry about. He took one of the cameras from her, getting to work on helping fix it up with the parts they had. 

It was everyone just doing their daily tasks, and some just doing nothing. It wasn’t like there was something to do every single day all the time. Sometimes you did get to just lay down and read a book, or talk with the others laughing about old and new memories. Patrick was sitting on the ground in the living room with Kim the two of them stocking the emergency kit that they brought on the last supply run, making sure nothing expired and everything was still in one piece. The two of them arguing about chords and notes in certain songs and who could go the highest outside of him Louis getting in there way and jumping over the plastic bags of bandages and gauze. It was a strange feeling, like there wasn’t the end of the world a few miles away. Where hundreds and millions of people had died, and were still dying. It just really seemed like a bunch of friends hanging out. Joe shook his head turning back when Kelly asked him about testing the cameras.

Pete and John came back a few hours later with the water. Setting the heavy buckets down outside the house and shrugging out of their gear. Pete rarely, meaning almost never ran out into the cities with the guys. He went the first few times, pure curiosity on wanting to see what the world had become and never again. Patrick had never once left the house once it was set up, he walked around, sometimes got water with the other guys but he never went to the city. Never expressed a desire to, he refused to even look at the footage that Mixon brought back from the runs and uploaded to hard drives wanted nothing to do with the photos. No one held it against him, or really against one another when they voiced their feelings on what was going on. They all had loved ones out there, all had mothers or fathers. In the case of Pete, Ryan, and Patrick, wives and kids. People that were probably all gone now, that may never be found or seen again and at times it was just hard to move forward hard to see the faces down below and remember that they were someone’s somebody once, wondering if there family and loved ones knew what they were now.

“The water seems higher than normal, running faster and stuff. Guess it’s raining hard down stream.” Pete commented, hanging the jacket up and tugging the boots off. Joe frowned at that, rain was good and bad, rain meant more fresh water and water was not something easy to come by now a days. It also meant flooding, and supply runs were more risky.

“I hope the guys don’t get caught up in any storm.” Kim commented from the living room, climbing up to help carry one of the buckets outside for Joe and the plants. 

“I warned Andy it was gonna rain.” Kyle pointed out taking the other one into the kitchen while John and Pete got changed and settled. “It looked like it when I got on the roof the other day, you can see the clouds in the distance.” Joe nodded, if he told Andy than at least the duo would have some type of warning. Rain wasn’t really bad, but it limited vision and made the grounds slick. Which was dangerous in the type of things they were doing. It could delay them for a few days, it could mean they end up in trouble, it just really varied. Joe breathed turning his attention back to the last parts of this camera to distract himself. 

He’d finished up, helping run them out to the locations. Securing them and checking with Kelly that they were all set up and recording like they were suppose to. Double checking the motion capture and delay before heading back. He got to work on the garden, Louis trotting around with him while he watered the plants and checked everything over. Making sure they were all healthy and no weeds were coming in to take over the soil. The blackberries were growing around the property nicely and he sighed, looking out over the deck and to the city. It was his turn to make dinner, and Kim offered to help him washing the fruit and vegetables off. They all pretty much ate vegan and vegetarian now unless it was something canned. Andy mainly used that for trade with some other survivors though, so it just leaned to them all eating like that. Meats went bad fast, and ended up being infected if it was anything still alive. It wasn’t worth the risk, and Joe found it funny that the morals held strong even in the end of the world. 

They’d cooked, setting the food around the island and sitting around eating. The walkie sitting on and to the side of them all. It be a few more hours before anyone was set to check in, but just in case they always left it on while the guys were away. Patrick and Pete took care of the clean up, and Joe moved to go make sure the house was locked up and secure with the girls. The worst thing to happen would be if one of them messed up while Andy and Mixon were away and just ruined everything Andy and all of them had been working up building. To come home to a trashed house and everyone dead because some Z got in during the night or something. He sighed watching the sun from the window, and pulling the blinds shut making sure they locked in place. 

He snatched the walkie from the kitchen heading into the living room where most everyone had moved to. It was weird, the lanterns and blankets. Everyone holding cards like it was a sleepover, like the parties Andy use to have before everything went to hell. Joe watched, adding commentary and pointers and getting called a cheater. Laughing and flipping a discarded card at Pete’s face. Debate over rules and other regulations starting up a moment later and he leaned back watching and adding his own opinion on the matter like it made some major difference in a card game they’d all made up.

His watch beeped, startling him, and everyone else. The time slipping away and he looked down at the walkie he’d still held in one of his hands. There was nothing, which wasn’t always bad. It meant they were busy yeah, or maybe somewhere unsafe to talk. Patrick was watching and the rest of the group was pretending they weren’t watching. Waiting just like he was when it cracked to life.

“I love you.” Andy’s voice sounded strange, it always did. Soft and exhausted over the crackling of the radio. Joe couldn’t help but laugh closing his eyes and letting a sigh of relief out. They were safe for the night, somewhere they felt comfortable resting and talking.

“I know.” Joe responded easily, getting his own laugh in return. Silence followed, the group out always saved the battery, it was long lasting as all can be but you never wanted to be stuck and not have it. Never wanted to be calling for help and the walkie to relay the information go out. Night times were all it was used for, checking in and then it was off. Joe shut it off, joining in the game once more. 

It was a rinse and repeat, waking up the next day and helping around the house. Taking care of the food and going out with Pete to get water. Bringing it back so they could be stocked up and well ready for the winter months. They kept stock of the food, going over everything and did the checks around the house. Did the things Andy normally did. It was really up in the air when the two would return, usually trying to complete their whole list but also stay safe. Pete and Patrick were arguing again and Joe stayed as far away from that shit as possible. They weren’t stupid about it, like they use to be. You couldn’t afford to, but they still argued like an old married couple and sometimes Joe wasn’t in the mood to deal with it. He helped Kim cut up and can some of the vegetables from the garden. Making sure they’d be ready for the colder months, when supply runs were almost impossible. They’d faced a winter before and were fine, it was up in the air how bad each one would be though how long it last, how long they’d have to avoid going outside and how cold it get. Andy checked in at night, quoting song lyrics at him that he finished with a laugh. It was three more nights before Andy came home, four days. Days Joe spent getting water, canning fruit and other food that’d finished growing in the garden, checking the cameras, walking the grounds and playing games at night. Reading old books the runners brought back for the house. The cameras beeped and Kelly was over in a second clicking around and Mixon was waving at one of the cameras they’d set up a few days ago. Andy laughing behind him. 

They’d made it back. He breathed out feeling a tension that's built up in his body the last few days release. It was a little while longer before Andy was visible from the porch and Kim waved at them over Joe’s shoulder the two waving back. Anxiously he waited for them to drop the gear at the door checking themselves over for anything missed and tossing bloody coats and jackets off in a plastic bin by the door. Waiting till he could finally pull the smaller man close holding him tight. He smelled awful, like sweat, and dirt, decaying flesh and just nothing good. Joe could give zero fucks about that. Honestly he’d probably hug him covered in blood if Andy would let him. Andy breathed, leaning his weight against the other and exhaling harshly into his shirt and Joe hummed nudging his face up to kiss the other. Light and quick the taste of dirt left on his mouth. “Shower, we have food left over from this morning.” He whispered. Andy groaned and nodded breaking away his fingertips brushing the other in a way that said he didn’t want to leave but Joe nudged him in the direction of water. Cold water yeah, but at least he’d stop smelling like the flesh of the undead.

He moved putting food out for Andy and Matt before helping Kelly sort through the supplies and bags. Andy would give them a run down tomorrow, fill them in on everything and the maps, the footage. His first day back was always sleep and food. Joe was surprised food even happened with how exhausted they usually were. Sleep was sparse, and never really restful. The fear any moment something could come crashing in, someone could come across them laid there. Joe knows, he’s been on these runs enough to know the feeling. They honestly and truly owe Fuck City everything, for keeping them alive and taken care of. Owe Andy even more for guiding them in such shit times. Andy comes back curls falling into his face and wearing one of Joe’s shirts and pair of shorts. He sits watching them sort through the stuff but doesn’t really offer commentary on it. It’s everything Joe put on the list, extras of some things here and there, and some bonus stuff that would be nice to have. Joe would go through it all later. Rubbing his hand over the others back while he ate and looked like he was seconds away from falling asleep in his food. 

Andy shifted setting the silverware down and leaning against Joe more, he’d been oddly clingy in ways Andy wasn’t normally even behind closed doors. “Come to bed with me?” He whispered. Joe knows he’s got stuff he should be doing, gardening and gate checks. But this wasn’t a request made lightly. Andy knew everything they were all suppose to be doing, knew the tasks they all took and if he was asking Joe to shrug them off like this he needed what he was asking. Joe nodded leaning down to kiss the top of the others head and looking up. Patrick waved him off silently gesturing to the others in the other room and Joe mouthed thank you. 

“Of course.” He whispered. “Come on tough guy let’s head to bed.” He teased lightly helping the other up and heading to the back room. Matt was already flopped over in the bed he’d claimed buried under blankets and probably fast asleep. Joe wasn’t really worried if he wasn’t, nothing really was secret anymore. They couldn’t afford it to be. Andy was asleep on his feet and Joe wondered what went down out there, the odd silence they were carrying and heavy exhaustion, Andy’s need for touch more than normal. He just rolled with it, lifting the blankets up and slipping in easily wrapping around Andy in a way familiar to both of them. The other shifted to be comfortable wrapping his arms around Joe and hiding his face away. 

Joe was almost sure he was asleep, could feel the tension release from him as Joe ran his fingers over the others back. Feeling the deep breathes against his neck and chest. He stared at the messy bed on the other side of them empty and unmade. Pete never really made his bed up. Wondered what else to do in his head and planning things out when Andy spoke.

“There were kids.” He whispered, oddly loud despite the fact Joe had to strain to hear him, blue eyes going wide once he got what Andy was saying. “So many fucking kids. We passed by a school, we had to and there were just...they were so small...so young...” Joe’s fingers tightened on the other closing his eyes. Kids were always the worst. Always. “They were so small.” He choked out and Joe curled feeling the wetness on his shirt and wished this wasn’t the world they lived in now before pressing a kiss against Andy’s head, shushing the other when his body shook, silent sobs into Joe’s chest.


	4. We are the new

Andy slept the entire first full day they were back, Joe probably wouldn’t be able to get him up and moving even if the house was on fire, he knew better to even try untangling himself from the smaller and setting about his day. Doing his tasks around the house he was normally tasked with, checking the garden in the morning, watering the plants when the guys came back with today’s water run which there were building up a nice back up supply of water for upcoming winter months. Melting snow was nice, but you had to waste a lot, and it was easier just to have the purified water ready to go. He helped in the kitchen with making lunch with Pete, laughing and stealing some extra food to bring it to Andy and Matt. Sitting in the bed with the other and letting him lean against him, talking to him about things they did while out there, about the maps and the supplies. If there was anything he needed to know about the supplies and what they got while they were out there.

John and he went through all the bags with Kim making sure everything was sorted through and put away properly as well as logged on the sheets. They were serious about making sure all supplies were logged in and out, and he was sure it was keeping them from running out of important stuff they needed from going one day to get something like a medical supply and ending up realizing its out. He added the new stuff Andy seemed to have found, a deck of cards, some books, new board games, little things that weren’t needed for survival in one sense but they couldn’t constantly be working, or worrying about the things outside. Sometimes you just needed to escape from everything, to come together at night and play games, to read during the day or just draw on some paper from a notebook.

Matt emerged late afternoon from the back room to pull the footage off the gopro’s and the pictures he took on the camera, sitting at the small desk in nothing but some worn down shorts and socks. Scribbling away on the maps on the desk and adding notes here and there while staring at the screen, looking away and writing down more in the note books. They always said in the end, if the world did return to normal if someone doesn’t document it no one will know what happened. No one will see what became of the world around them and Matt took it upon himself to be the one to do it, it helped also to document the layout of the city below, of their days in the streets. Joe wonders what the footage shows, if it shows the school or if they shut the cameras off. Neither were big on editing the severity on this whole thing, but this was an entirely different situation. To see those kids, Joe can’t imagine what both of them are dealing with right now, nor does he want to. He brings Andy dinner when they gather around for games that, goes into the back room. Handing Andy the food and sitting up with him again, but this time when the others done and lists off back asleep, Joe lays down with him. Wrapping around him and holding him tight. The other twists in his grasp kissing his cheek and flopping limply to lay half way over Joe. Neither say anything and somewhere Joe falls asleep listening to Andy’s breathing.

Morning is completely different mood around the house. Andy’s trying to drag Joe out of bed right away laughing and pulling on the blankets that Joe let’s go of so he falls back onto Matt next to their bed. “Fucking Christ you two just woke up.” Matt groans rubbing at his eyes and ruffling his short black hair up. He twists grabbing onto Andy who flails instantly striking the right point before Matt could tickle him to get him to let him go so he could flee. John’s laughing in the corner, Kyle groaning and rolling up into his blankets like some kind of animal trying to burrow away. There all pretty much laughing now though so Joe doubts anyone is going back to bed.

“Listen blame Andy for trying to wake me up before I have to alright.” He groans reaching out to grab at Andy whose standing closer to the bed now, he manages holding tight and pushing his face into Andy’s back but the other is quick to escape from him as well kicking Matt in the side the best he can.

“I was going to work out and wanted you to come with” He said looking at Joe and winking, knowing there’s no way Joe can keep up with them. “Come on Matt let’s work out your up no escape” He laughed fleeing out through the door. John and Kyle climbed up following him and Mix wasn’t too far behind rolling around in bed for a few more moments before deciding to follow Andy giving into his taunt. Joe grinned, climbing up and getting ready for the day considering there all up and running already might as well get an early start. Andy and Matt being home brought a shift to the mood around the house, the constant worry was gone everyone’s moods shifting to something much brighter. Pete was already up when Joe finally managed to wrangle himself into clean clothes and out into the living area, he was sitting at the island with Patrick and Kim, Kelly setting the plates out with a smile pointing outside.

“They ran out to the gym like their lives depended on it with Morgan.” She laughed. “Come have breakfast with us before they come back in looking for food and making the house smell bad.” Joe laughed joining the others, watching Andy run around outside throwing something at the others before they all vanished around the corner. He helped Kelly clean up after breakfast heading outside to water the garden and check on the plants, smiling at the guys running around the open field below the deck. Andy grinned looking up at him and waving, before Morgan was tackling him and knocking him back. He shook his head shouting down at them not to break Andy he needed him before going back to taking care of the plants and checking on the ones almost ready. Feeding Louis and making sure he was still, just being Louis. Following Joe around the house and everything.

The guys ran up the deck not to long later, Andy leaving with Kyle to go and get todays water run and refill one of the buckets Joe managed to empty. There wasn’t a whole lot to do today, and Joe couldn’t really complain finding a spot on the couch with Louis watching the security feed and digging around in the book box to find something new to start reading. Pete flopped down over his legs with his own book, something he’d been drawing in for the last few months. Clothing and people, just anything he seemed to think needed to be out of his mind on paper. He still wrote songs, Patrick still sang them and sometimes Joe played guitar with them. It was just another thing to relieve the stress of the world around them, the same way Andy played his drums like a mad man, his electric ones in the basement at weird hours of the night and Joe wrote music for the both of them to just escape every now and again. Joe shifted his legs pulling them out from Pete and shifting them so he was laying more on Pete instead of the other way around.

Andy came back, laughing and carrying the buckets of water putting them in the kitchen. Matt climbing up from his computer to help them get to work on purifying and cleaning the water up to make it safe to drink. Joe climbed up from Pete setting his book down before reaching out and snatching Andy while he was pressing the plastic lid back on one he dumped a bunch of tablets in, the smaller laughing and wrapping his arms around the other leaning up to kiss him getting a gagging noise from Kyle and Matt. “I missed you to” Andy sang. “I put your water in the shed already for you….” Andy’s hands reached up to squish his face pulling him back into a kiss. Joe laughs against the others lips rubbing his nose against Andy’s. “I’ve got dinner duty tonight you want to help me?” Joe hummed pretending to think about it for a moment until the other nudged him.

“Of course.” He laughed pulling away and picking his book back up to keep reading until diner. He took his spot back laying on Pete, only Andy joined him this time with a comic book, Pete grunting at the added weight but not climbing up from the spot or asking them to move, and it wasn’t much longer before Patrick spied them from the kitchen and turned around from whatever he was doing to join them in sitting on Pete leaning over to watch Pete draw in his little notebook commenting now and again.

It wasn’t long, the four of them enjoying the silence of one another before Matt and John complained about being hungry, dragging Andy up from the couch and Andy was up letting them do so, and Joe followed right along. Glad to see the shift from the couch to the kitchen the band…or ex band he guessed following the two into the kitchen taking their spots at the island to continue commenting on one another’s drawings and critiques while Joe and Andy started dinner. Matt snatched one of the tomatoes away from Andy shoving it into his mouth and fleeing into the living room, muffled laughter ringing behind him and Andy yelling at his fleeing figure to stop stealing the food for dinner.

“It’s weird.” Joe jerked from watching the two of them from where he was cutting up onions, turning to look at Patrick sitting on the island across from him.  
“What? Matt stealing tomatoes?” He looked back around watching the taller sit on the back of the couch grinning at Andy and letting John get a moment to reach around and steal another piece of food, running to jump over the back of the couch and flop onto it laying down.  
“No…that. They kind of help you forget that shit isn’t okay in the world.” Joe frowned tilting his head because, how do you forget? “Like it’s another day of visiting Andy I mean, they don’t act like everything’s over, they still run around like the bunch of guys that toured with us back in 2007 and came and crashed on the bus for no reason.” Joe turned back, watching Andy scold John and Matt, like Joe had seen a million times in the mornings when he’d come to live here. Seen Matt tell Andy he needs to go shopping and they all can’t live off a bowl of pasta for three weeks. He saw what Patrick meant now.

“I guess…..being upset isn’t going to benefit everyone. Were stuck in this shit situation because of the government’s failure to realize the magnitude of things they were doing, being depressed about it all the time probably would have caused us to panic and die or something.” Andy did a good job of reeling everyone in those first few weeks, of keeping them distracted and occupied in getting everything together that they never really had a whole panic situation. He never really took a whole lot of time to think about that, to realize that the only realize Joe never had the meltdown he expected realizing everything around them was over, was Andy never let them feel like it was. He watched Matt come back in slinging his arm around Andy the two of them laughing as Andy pointed the knife at him threating him if he took another tomato. Turning back to helping Andy cook and cut up the food. He watched the other from the corner of his eye, Patrick’s words sticking to his head. He watched people trail in as food was finished up, laughing and joking with one another, taking plates and setting them out for Andy and the dish ware.

Matt trails back in holding his hands up in surrender to help Andy dish out the finished food on everyone’s plates letting John get the glasses from the cabinets. It felt like every other dinner, felt like every night where everyone’s helping get dinner out and ready, it felt like before when he first started living there and watched this years of routine built into the guys flow before him until he could figure out a place for himself. Sitting next to Andy steading bites of the pasta and laughing at Matt making jokes, pointing his fork at John. Shit may be hell, but they’ve got a pretty good family up here.


	5. Not with you

Andy tugged on the straps looking out towards the city, at the sun rising up from the trees giving everything a soft golden glow to it. “It feels like you just went.” He jerked startled, turning to look at Joe, still in his sleeping clothes standing barefoot on the deck. He wasn’t sure why he was surprised, Joe always came to say goodbye.

“I know….” Andy offered, moving over to stand against the other. “It’s the last one, we double checked everything weeks ago, made sure we’ve got everything on the list….last one until spring time.” Months, it’ll be months and months before Andy will have to go back. Though it’s been roughly over a month, maybe even closer to two months since the last supply run it still feels too soon. It’ll be another five or six months before they go back out and it’ll still feel too soon. Honestly he wished Andy never had to go out, but it was selfish, it wasn’t his choice and they needed someone to go out there and bring back food at least until they were sure they could sustain themselves well enough to never need to again.

“Still only bringing Matt?” Joe shifted, running his fingers through Andy’s hair. It had been getting longer, the other forgetting or maybe avoiding shaving it. Maybe wanting to grow it out a bit. The ends were starting to curl and Joe caught them between his fingers tugging lightly.

Andy hummed in response, nodding against his hands. “John took that fall while we were out the other day, wrist is still injured….I don’t want to bring Morgan and Kyle because of the other jobs, fixing the piping and getting the roof patched up…Me and Matt have run these before we’ll be fine.” He stood up on his toes kissing Joe, slipping his hand out of his bag to wrap around the other and deepen the kiss and Joe wrapped his arms around the others waist pulling him up.

Grey eyes looking up at Joe when they broke away from one another, and the taller leaned down one more time stealing a quicker kiss. “Be careful. I’ll be waiting for the call hot stuff.” Andy laughed buckling the last strap on his bag and waving down at Matt below the deck.

“You know we’ll be fine!” He called jumping the railing and running after the taller, a smile tossed back at Joe as they vanished among the tree line.

“Idiots.” He joked fondly, heading back instead to get some more sleep before helping Kelly with pulling some plants that had grown over one of the cameras out.

They’d run it before, had the map memorized but they never went in before. Too many Zombies around the outer area, too much risk. The fire had finally drawn them away though it seemed and Andy wasn’t about to miss the chance to get all the supplies that were probably stocked away in the large buildings. The mall was a hot spot for looting, for money and TV grabbing and whatever else people felt they needed when the world went to hell. It’s also the coffin for many people, trapped in glass walls and heavy iron gates. Alarms keyed up so that whenever someone felt the urge to try, they’d get in and be trapped as the noises drew every flesh hungry monster in the area to the buffet. They’d had this down, had this planned out and there plan was full proof. To hit it before winter was even better, they could grab some extra coats, clothing that the guys might need that didn’t have holes or was worn down. It be the only place they hit beside the small market on the way back so they weren’t even going to be gone long and Andy was glad to be out running, but more eager to get back.

Andy slid under the metal gate of the store the way in and the way out, stumbling to his feet and Matt was quick to help him catch his feet, holding his arm slightly and running with him. They headed up the steps turning to find stacks of supply boxes right at the top. Some had been gone through some had been destroyed but they looked to be more intact than anything they’d seen in a long time. High fiving one another and heading over to start rifling through them. Clothing mostly, some toys in a few of them but there were definitely a few things that could benefit them. Shoving the stuff away before running off again to the next store that was open enough for them to get in without triggering anything. They found medical supplies stuck behind the back of a register and Andy wondered how in the world anyone missed that. Going through the rest of the store and grabbing things here and there. They’d have extra bag space this time around and he wasn’t going to waste the chance to use it for things that they didn’t really need. The winter was going to be rough, they needed something more than food to get through it and Andy was keeping his eye on things for that. Ignoring Matt’s side eyes at him and stupid grin flipping him off when he could get the chance.

“After this I want to find somewhere to crash for the night. Eat food, call the others.” Matt nodded, shifting through the box and shoving the things into his bag. Being careful to move their food for tonight to the top so they didn’t have to rifle through the whole damn bag.  
“Gotta make sure you don’t miss your 9pm call with lover boy.” He teased, laughing softly at Andy’s shove as he walked by and blowing him kisses as they moved through the store. Pulling out a book and turning it over, a bunch of dumb photos of dogs and he was about to toss it but one of them looked like Louis and he ignored Matt’s snickers from behind him shoving it in his bag and huffing.

“You wanna fight?” He mocked turning to look at the taller. “Don’t be jealous just because I got someone.” He pointed out, Matt giving him an awful look and he didn’t feel bad in the slightest.

“Who the fuck am I going to date in this Andy, the zombie on 2nd street?” He glared, and Andy shrugged.

“I hear she’s got a good job.” He countered back at the other.

“Yeah…she kills people. She’s a zombie.” Andy snorted, and he couldn’t help but laugh as well, combing through the store for anything they might need at all. Grabbing batteries from the flash lights and shoving the two things separately in his bag.

The lights were first, Andy’s head snapping up looking at the red colored lights flaring on, before the alarms followed. Matt snapping up from where he was looking through and moving right away to zip his bag up. “Someone must have followed us or something.” Matt called over the alarms, it didn’t matter if a fucking Z set them off, they were going to be swarming the noise and Andy wasn’t going to die in this stupid mall. Wasn’t going to be here for the buffet.

They were fast across the mall, hearing the sounds of iron bars rattling as the Z’s pushed from behind cages and they were down the stairs skipping some and being quick to dodge anything trying to grab at them. Pushing through hard and fast. “Think we can shut it off?” Matt called over the chaos. Hoping probably that they could delay the insanity about to hit them.

“No! Let’s go!” They skidded around the corner, Andy sliding under the metal of the door, and Matt sliding behind him moving to slam it shut and being rewarded with a rattle. He’d hoped turning to follow Andy out the door to the back parking out when something grabbed him from under the gate. Stupid, so fucking stupid. He was going down like this back hitting the cold ground and the sharp pain that followed. A million and ten thoughts going through his head at once, but one being he needed to buy Andy time, get him out of here safely even if it meant being there dinner. Wasn’t like he was going to live long anyway now. Might as well help get Andy home.

Andy turned at the scream from behind him, eyes going wide as Matt went down, somethings hand wrapped around his ankle. He was already pulling his gun out and flicking the safety off in one smooth movement going to shoot. “No! Just go Andy! Go!” He couldn’t debate it, he didn’t have the time. Matt swung getting the thing off his leg but the blood, the wound. It was too late. No amount of killing everything around them could stop what was going to happen.

When everything went down, after things settled and they started doing supply runs. They had all made a pack together. Standing in a circle with their gear looking at one another, it was more important than any rule they had made. If you got bit, if anything got you that was it. Bullet to the head. No time wasted, no oh maybe he’s different, nothing. No risking, and no letting the other suffer through the change. No one wanted to see themselves become the things they’d been killing. It just wasn’t right and it wasn’t the way they wanted to run things.

The only thing that was breaking this rule was one that was established long before the end of the world, listening to one another when they demanded. Matt knew, knew Andy would want to stay, want to do something anything or at least fulfill there promise to one another as a team but everything was coming to fast, he’d die alongside Matt if he stayed. He knew what the other was doing without him even saying anything, knew that Matt wasn’t running out with him to be killed if he could be killed to buy Andy the time he needed.

Matt was swinging his axe out giving him what he needed to get away and Andy spun around slamming the door shut behind him feeling like one of the monsters around him for doing so, for not stopping and trying to help Matt fight them off, but he was bit. There was nothing Andy or anyone in the world could do now and he’d be pissed beyond belief if Andy stayed for that. He pushed himself sprinting down the hall to the parking lot. He was out on the streets now, the flood of Z’s moving towards the building making all the noise, and he kept running, dodging and getting past them all. Pushing through and being careful not to go down. He was out of the thick of it quickly, hitting the side roads and he just kept going. Running until the ringing of the mall was out of his ears, the sun setting and darkness falling on the streets. He kept going, and going. Because it was all he could do right now to just run until he collapsed. Falling onto the side of a building and choking on air. He couldn’t stay here long to many dangers but he needed a moment, trying to stay silent and rubbing the wetness on his face. He was alone.

He was fucking alone out here, Matt was gone.

Joe stared at the walkie, and the clock in the corner of the room, holding it tight in his hands as the others trailed off to bed one by one. Shooting him a worried glance as they went. “Maybe they haven’t’ stopped for the night…” Kelly soothed rubbing her hand on his arm. “Or it’s just not safe enough to talk…I’m sure there okay….” He could hear the hesitation, she had no idea just like him.

“He’s never missed a call before….” He whispered, the plastic rough under his fingers and the soft static being the only sound in the room now, Kelly sitting up with him as he waited. Hoping Andy’s voice would ring across in apology, or a star wars reference or something. Anything was all he was asking for, and he got nothing. Not a whisper, not a noise from the other end. The sun coming up through the glass Kelly’s heavy weight against him fast asleep. He just stared at the plastic wondering if he was just supposed to go on with his day, to stare at it again tonight and hear nothing. If he’d go days and days, not hearing a thing and never know if Andy was okay or not. He ignored everyone getting up as the hours went on, ignored the sounds of the house coming to life around him up until Pete’s hands were over his. Covering the walkie.

“Sleep.” Pete whispered, and Joe looked up at the concerned face looking down at him. Joe shook his head twisting his hands around and away from Pete.

“What if he says something? What if he comes on and I’m asleep….and I don’t hear it and it’s…and…” What if it’s the last thing Andy says to him and he’s not there to hear it. These calls were more than confirmation that Andy was alive, there were them saying I love you in case the next day was his last.

“Lay on it, sleep with it…just sleep Joe…please. If something happens we can’t have you exhausted.” Joe cursed Pete mentally because he wanted to stay up, he did, wanted to stay awake until Andy said something but in the times now, if something happened and they got ambushed for whatever reason like fuck he was going down because he was too tired to fight back.

“Just a few hours Pete.” He agreed, ignoring the relieved look at the others face and climbing up to go and get some sleep. Clutching the walkie tight as he headed to bed. Andy didn’t call, which he was thankful because he didn’t miss it but it also meant Andy didn’t call. He did the tasks he always busied himself with, watering the plants, tending the garden and picking the food that was ready and handing it off to Kim to deal with. Helping people around the house, keeping himself as busy as he could to keep his mind off Andy.

“Joe can you put these out in the shed for me?” He looked up nodding and taking the bags from Patrick, pushing the door open with his foot and heading down the steps to the shed they kept out back. Dropping the bags down and unlocking it. He’d normally toss the bags in and deal with them later but picked the stuff up sorting through it all and putting it away where Patrick would want it. Picking the empty bags up and heading back up to the house. People were yelling, which wasn’t uncommon but when he left he didn’t see a reason for anyone to start picking fights. He pulled the glass door open the noises getting louder, sounded like Morgan and John? He sighed pulling his shoes off and locking the door behind himself looking up to see Andy standing in the doorway.

He blinked, startled because of all things that was not something he was ready for. He was about to smile, because fuck it meant he made it home okay and was probably heading back and that was why he wasn’t on the radio. Only he…he didn’t look okay. He was covered in blood, which he normally did his best to clean up before coming back. Hair dirty and stuck at weird angles, he looked like he hadn’t slept and Joe wondered if maybe he saw someone they knew. If something happened, wanting to ask but he realized that Andy was the only one standing in the room besides everyone who’d been here already. Andy was the only one back.

“…oh..oh fuck Andy.” He whispered, the noise around them dying down as they realized Andy was just standing there. Frozen covered in blood and almost shaking. “Baby…” He was careful, not moving quickly over but slowly, taking Andy closer to him as slowly as he could. Andy didn’t react and Joe wondered if he was on autopilot, if he just took off from whatever hell he was in and kept running and running until he was home. He was sure that was just what happened. “I’ve got you. I’ve got you alright. Your home and…..I’ve got you.” He wanted to say it was okay, but Matt was a whole other level of importance to Andy’s life than Joe. He loved him, differently than he loved Joe, but at the same time with probably all the heart he loved him with. Matt had been in his life for so long, and so important. They took care of one another, and Matt understood small things about Andy that Joe would never get. He was quick in the start of all this to act, knew just how to help get everything together.

Now he was dead, Joe didn’t doubt he’d either died by Andy’s hand or something else ate him until he was positively dead. Andy wouldn’t have left him any other way, he knew Matt was either dead or dying and he came back. He felt the weight sag against him, Andy’s legs giving out and he dropped them to the floor, ignoring the blood that was probably never going to come off. He wrapped around the other tightly, feeling the fingers grip his shirt and the shoulders shaking under his hands. It was silent at first, gentle shakes of the shoulder and heavy breathing on Joe’s neck, but it wasn’t long before it was full blown sobbing. Choked cries and sharp exhales and inhales as he struggled to cry and breathe. Joe’s shoulder wet with tears and probably a lot else. He couldn’t do anything, could only hold Andy and ignore the wetness on his own face because Andy needed him, and needed him to be the strong one right now.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the last chapter, and then the delay.

No one got up in the morning, the house dead silent outside of the generator running, buzzing under the sunlight. Joe wasn’t really expecting anyone to be up and going, or really want to be. A heavy cloud falling on the house, falling on everyone in Fuck City. Joe had dragged Andy into a shower last night, after he’d cried, cried until everyone left them be, until he couldn’t anymore his throat raw and exhaustion taking over him. He was lucky Andy was light pretty much carrying him into the bathroom. Cleaning all the blood off him slowly and gently, washing his hair out and helping him into clothes before dropping him into bed. He’d curled up tight, pressing into the corner and he hadn’t moved since. No one was taking the hit easily, no one could really grasp that they’d lost one like this, that someone on there team, in their family had fallen. Matt was gone. It seemed so unreal, that this couldn’t happen to them but it had. Joe let himself cry finally when he’d made sure Andy had passed out, eyes looking at the empty bed next to theres, he’d known the other for so long, they all had. He’d helped Joe through a lot of rough times, and through a lot of his relationship with Andy. John and Kyle hadn’t even come to bed, and he wondered if they couldn’t stand to come into a room where Matt was suppose to be, where he was suppose to be getting up and Andy kicking his ass to work out before he looked at the footage. Now he’s laying dead on the ground somewhere in the city. 

He’d laid in bed with Andy, who hadn’t so much moved or talked all morning. Joe didn’t push, just offering comfort all he could. He didn’t eve know if the other was awake or not but it honestly didn’t matter, Andy wasn’t ready, and from how fast he probably ran, he probably was extremely tired. He laid there his hands rubbing over the blanket ball in there bed, just listening to his breathing. Trying not to think too much but in the silence of the room, it was hard not to. Matt was just gone. Joe remembers meeting the other, going on tour with him when he was just a teenager. This lead singer of a band he dug that was really relaxed, and stuck to his morals. He went on a tour with them when Fall Out Boy was a thing, and him and Andy were pretty much attached at the hip the whole time, Joe almost asked if they were dating. Matt had been this piece in there lives for so long, for years upon years. Now he just...wasn’t anymore. Because of some stupid virus..and Joe has no doubt Andy saw it all happen. Watched his best friend die. He breathed out heavily, feeling the burn on his eyes shoving his face into the pillow. This fucking sucked. It sucked more than anything that had happened to them thus far. 

He’d managed to stay in bed until late afternoon, seeing the sun slowly turning the sky colors as it set. His stomach protesting the lack of lunch and breakfast, he swore. He was suppose to be shoveling food into Andy to, fumbling out of the bed as carefully as he could, John was laying on the floor, with Kyle under a blanket off the couch and he sighed. Two plates were set out in the kitchen with Joe’s name scribbled on them, sandwiches and he smiled slightly. Condensing them to one plate and heading to the back room. Andy was still pressed up against the wall, and Joe crawled into the bed nudging him carefully. 

“Babe you need to eat.” He whispered. 

“No.” Was Andy’s instant response, and Joe blinked, surprised at him being awake, and the answer.   
“Andy…” He said carefully.

“I said no.” Was all he repeated, curling a little tighter. Joe tried an hour later to no avail, watching Andy with concern, alright...it was the first day. He’d...he’d let it go for now. He wasn’t going to force him to eat, like he could. So he got up and put the food away, asked Andy again around late evening, and dropped it after that. He wasn’t surprised Andy didn’t get up the next day, he heard more noise around the house, but Kyle and John had come into the room in the night he guessed. Laying there in there beds. They left around afternoon, and Joe stayed with Andy. Who refused to eat again. He dropped it again, worry mixing with the grief gnawing away at his insides. He didn’t know how to help, what to do for Andy and it was genuinely the worst feeling. 

Day three, Joe got up, and took care of the garden. Watered the plants, made sure the two days of neglect hadn’t harmed them, and made himself food instead of relying on someone else in the house. Andy denied eating again. Hadn’t so much as moved from his spot on the bed pressed against the corner. The more the house started to come alive again, people realizing the grief would get them killed in times like now and they needed to resume doing at least the smaller of chores, the more he noticed Andy’s lack of pretty much everything.

“He lost someone.” Patrick offered, watching Joe offer John Andy’s sandwich to not waste the food. 

“We all lost someone.” Ryan spoke up from the corner. “Were up and attempting to put our lives together...he’s killing himself.” Patrick shook his head looking at the people around.

“We all lost Matt, and he meant a varying level of importance to all of us, he meant something to all of us, Andy included. But none of us were out there….” He explained. “None of us watched him die, you guys have the pack to shoot one another if you got bit...do you think maybe Andy had to do that? Had to look at Matt, alive and well, and pull the trigger because it wasn’t going to last...or you think he had to watch the Z’s kill him and know he couldn’t do anything….Andy was out there. Andy saw it, and while all of us harbor some guilt and grief over Matt’s loss...Andy was right there…” He looked at all of them, and Joe just felt more and more weight settle in his stomach, because he was right, he was and how were you suppose to drag someone out of that. The Fuck City guys were looking at one another, before looking down at there hands and Joe walked into the back room to try and get Andy to maybe move. 

Andy ate, sometimes, Joe managed to convince him by choice of death, but he never looked any better. Exhausted and red eyes, he’d eat and just go back to laying down and Joe had to count his wins vs losses. As long as he ate at least once a day, Joe had to take it. 

Andy answered it for him, the bed empty one morning when he woke up. He was terrified, because Andy hadn’t left the bed in weeks, and now he was just gone. Concern that the other had done something stupid while Joe was asleep he was up and out of the room in a second. He stumbled into the living area, Pete and Patrick were sitting across from Kim and Kelly, it was so insanely early for anyone to be awake but they were whispering, looking at their hands. “Where are they?” Joe got out and Kim looked up, pointing to the back yard, to the deck, and Joe stepped up to the glass. The lights were on in the main shed, where Andy and the others trained.

“I think they're...doing something for Matt...or about Matt. They all had their hoodies on and just went out there we...we thought we’d leave them.” She explained, he relaxed instantly maybe this was good. Maybe this is what Andy needed to move on and forward and start healing, and all the guys needed some form of coming to terms with it all. He made himself some coffee, watching the shed from the window, the door was shut and the lights were on. Nothing to give away what the guys were doing. He breathed, sitting at the tables with the others, looking at the dark liquid swirling in the cup and waiting. All he could do was wait, all he ever did now. 

They came up, Joe felt like hours later, his cup long empty as was everyone else's yet no one got up from the silence at the table for more. The green hoodies were gone, and no one was carrying them. He wondered what they did, what they felt was proper for this. Andy was looking at him, exhausted, the dark circles under his eyes that Joe had been wishing to wipe away these last few weeks, but his eyes were brighter. He looked okay...well maybe not okay, but he looked better than Joe had seen him since it all went down. 

He climbed up from the table slowly, and Andy pulled him into a hug before he could, pressing his face hard into Joe’s shoulder and Joe just held him. They were going to be okay, it was just going to take some time. 

And it did, Andy showered, and started working outside with Joe. He’d still space off now and again. Staring off into the woods with this look that worried Joe sometimes. He’d stare at his food poking at it with a fork for long periods before eating it, but he was eating more than a meal a day. He was working out, and doing the things he use to do around the house. He wasn’t playing games with them at night, but he’d sit on the couch while Joe played, knees pressed against his chest, and one or two times John got him to laugh. Got them all to laugh really, and as the other guys got better, Ryan taking the bed away out of the room one day while Andy was out running with John and Kyle. Joe expected something more, but all Andy really did was stare at the empty space for a long time before asking Joe if he wanted to help make dinner. Maybe he’d honestly started healing, and Joe felt a little bit of hope of things going back how they were...at least somewhat. 

Snow started falling as expected, and Patrick woke them all up the first morning that everything was blanketed in white. Excited like a kid on Christmas day, and Joe let him have it, dragging him into the bed with him and Andy and using his weight getting the other to apologize between laughs and yells. Andy watching them with an amused look in his eyes that just motivated Joe more. They let Patrick go, digging out their snow gear from the closet. Joe watched Andy drop something, and stare, Matt’s jacket with stupid patches he badly sewed on himself, he looked up at Andy worried for a second but the smaller just blinked and picked it back up hanging it. They slipped there boots on trudging out to where everyone already was. John shoving Kelly and laughing when she fell down in the snow, sprinting away from the blonde when she’d gotten back up. It would be nice to let go, and it started everyone joking around. Making snow angels with dicks, and Snowmen with boobs. Pete’s laughter ringing loud through the empty frozen woods. Andy threw a snowball at Joe, who threw one back and missed hitting Pete, and the war began. The crunch of snow under their feet as they tossed snow around, the bitter cold turning numb the more they were out. Joe couldn’t stop laughing his sides hurt, Andy’s covered with snow, sitting on Pete and shoving more snow at him despite the fact Patrick and Kim are throwing snowballs at him. This was well needed for all of them. They stumble inside when fingers go numb under the gloves and noses start to hurt, shivering and laughing still and Kyle gets the fire going, Kelly heading into the kitchen while the others change.

They end up sitting around the fire in their pajamas, drinking hot coffee and telling old stories, talking about dumb inside jokes and old tour tales. Joe and Andy are sharing a coffee, wrapped up around one another under a comforter he stole from their bed, Andy’s freezing hands shoved up his shirt as he lays against Joe, laughing every now and again at some old Fuck City story. There going to be okay, he’s sure of it now.


	7. Chapter 7

Joe shifted on the stool, looking out at the white expanse of snow covering everything outside the house. They had to run out and grab all the security cameras a few days ago, to make sure the water wouldn’t damage the insides of all of them. He doubted anything dead or alive was coming up here with the drop in temperatures anyway so they should be fine. He threw a tarp over the garden knowing most of it would be dead in the frost but wanted to protect the soils, and thus began their isolation inside, being to cold even in the garage to work out. He swirled the cup around in his hand, the coffee rolling around the edges. Andy was asleep on the couch behind him, tucked away under some of the blankets left out by the girls. Sleep came to him more, he ate more and more everyday it felt like. Color had come back to his face, but while some nights were just fine and he sleep through, some nights were screaming, sobbing, holding onto Joe with painful nails and choked breaths. Joe took them all, held him because he could. This is what he could offer him. He turned, looking at the desk in the corner. They moved the bed, but no one felt right in moving the desk, in touching it. It’s all he could really do in the end and he was willing to give it his all. 

“Christmas is next month.” Pete commented, and Joe startled, looking up at the other most everyone had been hanging out in their own rooms. He was looking out on the snow, holding a mug and waiting for another one to finish brewing. Joe wondered how long he’d been standing there, how long he hadn’t been paying attention to the area right in front of him for Pete to have come in like this. 

“Yeah? Keeping track of the days?” He teased lightly, shaking the mood he’d managed to catch off. Pete grinned raising an eyebrow at him. 

“All of us are don’t joke there Trohman.” Joe shrugged, taking a sip of his coffee and using his foot to rub at Louis. Keeping track of the days and time around there was their way of keeping a little sanity in it all despite them all blurring together. “How’s Andy?” Joe was waiting for that one, he was but it still hard to answer, he rubbed at the handle thinking of how to phrase his wording just right to keep Andy’s privacy but update Pete. 

“He’s….better.” Which wasn’t a lie, he really was better. “He talks to me more, not a lot, on the good days. Bad days I’m lucky to get him out of bed but he’ll move with enough. It’s just……” He sighed setting the cup down. “He’s seen a lot of shit out there Pete. A lot. More than we’ve told you guys and I think Matt was just….the last piece to kind of snap him. He’s getting better but he’s just going to need the time….he’s seen way too much for a single person and he watched someone he loved go down….someone who saw everything as him and understood him like we couldn’t...” Pete nodded, he understood they all understood, but he knew Pete would get it. Pete still had bad days, had a lot of bad days of ups and downs of moods. They all did not like him but they were living in a world like this, and they dealt with them the best they could, but the guys who went out there. The Fuck City crew, fuck even Joe had been out a few times. That shit was a lot to stomach and Andy went out every single time without fail. 

“Maybe we should do something for Christmas, I’m sure there’s some things in the attic decoration wise….kind of. Offer them a break and something to laugh and smile about” Andy didn’t get rid of anything, so Joe’s sure if they look hard enough he’ll be able to find something. Maybe a little christmas could be good for all of them like Pete was saying, sitting around a dumb plastic tree with some little lights and colorful glass decorations, the fire going just drinking coffee and talking about the old times. It be a time to pretend that things in the world are insane, and Joe’s also sure they are all creative to come up with gifts for one another from stuff they don’t use. A special little touch to it all. 

“Yeah...Yeah I’m all about that.” He doesn’t think forgetting Matt is the right way to go about this, no, Joe still feels a sting in the morning seeing the space a bed once sat. Seeing pictures around the house. Matt meant a lot to all of them, and it wasn’t something they were ever going to forget, but they needed to grieve, and they needed to also not let the grief consume their lives at the same time. They needed to...be people again. Like the day in the snow, when Joe saw Andy smile for the first time in weeks, who let Joe touch him without curling away. He needed more days like that in their insane world, he was sure all of them needed it to. Pete grinned taking the second cup of coffee and heading to the back, probably bringing it to Patrick Joe was sure he heard the other up all night working on something. He stared for awhile at the space the other stood, thinking about the holidays, and the last time they celebrated before the insanity of the end. 

Andy made a noise, and Joe took it as his calling as well to go and flop on the couch next to the other Andy grunting and shifting to make room for the taller to wiggle under the blankets with him and wrap around him. The house started coming alive after that, hitting close to lunch. Getting up and moving around, Kim going into the kitchen to make lunch while Joe stayed wrapped around the other under their warm blankets. Until everyone came out for lunch, dragging them off the couch with laughs and jokes. Andy smiling at Joe as they moved into the kitchen. Joe couldn’t help but smile back, his chest tight. Andy was working on it, he’d be okay in time. He did get better, this week proving to be better than the last. He was helping around the house more, laughing with the guys, he ate all three meals, and even stole food from Joe with a smile. Nights were still rough trying to get asleep and stay asleep, but Joe took what he was getting and thriving in it. Listening to Andy laugh again. He still wasn’t talking, sharing words only with Joe in the dead of night when no one else was around to hear them. 

Pete apparently found the Christmas stuff shoved up in the attic at least that’s what he told Joe when he punched him awake in the middle of the night. Andy wrapped around him he tried to not throw the other off him jerking awake to glare at Pete, Looking at Andy and then the older above him. “What?” He whispered. He just managed to get to sleep after Andy and he was exhausted. 

“Come on…” Pete encouraged, not wanting to keep whispering around all the Fuck City guys with their light sleeping and all. Joe made a face, untangling himself from the smaller and slipping out of bed. Following Pete out into the living room.

“It better be good if you woke me up this early.” Should be against Fuck City law to wake him when Andys around to. He looks past Pete, at the boxes spread around and looks back at the other. “You found the christmas stuff.” Pete nods rapidly grinning wide like a little kid and Joe can already guess where this is going. 

“I thought we could get Patrick and….you know. Surprise them and stuff.” The Fuck City Family did more for their band than ever imagined. They took care and helped them all survive and they were the ones out there dealing with everything, sure they’d all been down now and again, have their rough days, but not as much as these guys. Joe nodded, and Pete grinned leaving and coming back with Patrick a few minutes later. It wasn’t hard to decorate once they got the hang of it again, putting the fake plastic tree up, and half decorating it leaving the rest for the guys to join in when morning game figuring ornaments and what not were a group thing. He’s not really use to decorating for Christmas, which alright he just never decorated for any holiday, but Christmas especially, but he’s also not an idiot and can get where to put what and it’s a very weird feeling.

There not sure the light situation, with the generator and all, so they leave everything unplugged. Stepping back to look at it all. It’s alright for three guys in the middle of the night with flashlights if Joe has to say so himself. They did a good job. 

“I guess we just...head to bed now and wait for the commentary tomorrow.” Patrick yawned, and Joe looked at the clock on the wall and alright, there went his night but hopefully it was worth it. They say goodnight, heading to their bedrooms and Joe’s careful to crawl back in with Andy. He doesn’t wake, which is by some miracle because normally Andy would jolt awake at even a sound, the fact Joe got in and out of bed is….well he’ll worry about it later. He curls around the other tangling with him easily and Andy responds pressing his face against Joe’s neck. It’s not long before he’s asleep again hoping tomorrow everyone’s excited about the change of decor in the house. 

He wakes up on his own without any kind of alarm, which isn’t too odd, just normally the guys are shoving one another pushing and Andy getting up with them to work out thus waking Joe. Andy’s still laying next to him though, looking out the window above their bed, he turns when he sees Joe’s awake now smiling at him a little and Joe breaths leaning forward to kiss him. “Want me to make breakfast?” He offered, mainly trying to get a feel of how the day was going to go. “What time is it anyway.” He curled his head back, surprised it was already late morning. Andy streches out next to him shaking his head. 

“I should get up.” Andy mumbled, pushing himself up to sit. “There’ve been weird noises in the living room I’m worried.” So a good day is what it’s looking like and Joe gladly gets up with the other. Those weird noises turned out to be Christmas music. Which there were a lot of things Joe was ready for, since he helped Pete decorate the house and all. Full blown decorations like this was not one of them, the lights were all plugged in and it looked like a hundred more were put up on top of theirs. The fireplace was on, mugs with colorful red and green decorations sitting around the room with their names written on the colors. It was like the holiday exploded and Joe had no idea where all the stuff came from. Had no idea where someone was hiding all this, or even had the time for this. 

Pete had his legs tossed up over Kim, drinking a mug with his name fondly written on it in gold pen and grinned when he noticed Joe had come out of the hall with Andy. “So it turns out man, we weren’t the only ones planning a surprise….only their surprise like took ours and made it a million times better” He laughed, Andy trailing close behind looking around wide eyed at the lights and decorations. They end up flopping on the couch with the others, Andy’s half in Joe’s lap drinking coffee and listening to Kim and Patrick talk about the house decorations and surprising one another, how one of them woke up and decided it was time to do their plans since Pete had beaten them to it. Smiling and laughing here and there when they mentioned trying to put the lights up, and Patrick trying to help Pete get the lights up and Joe’s struggle, and then Kim having to go over and fix them. 

“Death by ladder.” He offered, and Joe could see everyone turning to look, because it was the first thing Andy had said to anyone besides Joe in weeks. Anyone, it was the first words he’d said around anyone and Kim grinned wide shoving him a little being careful not to make it a big deal, despite it being a very big deal. 

“Be a way to go.” She teased. “Christmas lights.” Andy laughed and Joe couldn’t stop grinning, watching them with full attention now. Everyone joined in after that, laughing and joking about holiday decorations, talking about things they did growing up. Joe mentioned some of the traditions in his house as well, Christmas was his favorite holiday now but before it wasn’t always like that of course, and he had fond memories of stuff his Mom use to do to get ready. The guys talking about the year Fuck City tried to make gingerbread houses of their house and the mess that was it looked like a shack more than anything. Pete was right, this was good for all of them. 

Of course when things seemed to be finally over the hill of good, it plummets all down rapidly. Without warning and suddenly. It was the last time Andy talked to any of them. Joe had been expecting so much change, Andy spoke to Kim and Patrick that day. He’d laughed, joined one of the games at night. He wasn’t ready for the sudden and abrupt shift in moods in everything. Andy had good and bad days, but the good days stopped completely they stopped being a thing at all and Joe couldn’t get him to move or talk. It was like the first few weeks all over again only Andy wouldn’t even cry, wouldn’t move. Just kind of laid there looking out the frozen window and Joe was killing himself. He couldn’t get it, couldn’t understand the sudden reverting. It just...he thought they were making progress and he didn’t understand what set it all back. 

“After the thing at the pool house, he was fine.” Joe whispered, wringing his hands together and looking at their bedroom door he was lost, he was so fucking lost on what to do. Kyle frowned shifting between feet. “He was laughing, talking. He was moving past it and dealing with his grief, the other day with the.” He gestured to the house decorations. “He was okay. He was doing okay great even he was laughing and talking hanging out with all of us, playing games, he even ate everything that day and now he’s...he’s right back at the start.” He dropped his head into his hands breathing out heavily. It was exhausting. 

“Maybe he..he just needs some time again, maybe it’s not reverting fully.” Pete offered. “Maybe he’s just got some rough patches right now. Give him time and we’ll go from there?” Joe nodded, because what else could they do? They had to wait it out because fuck, it was all they could do. 

He was wrong, and Andy didn’t get better as the days went. He got worse, worse than before even. Three meals and some of Joe’s food became two meals, then one, then none again. He curled against the corner again buried under the same blankets and Joe wanted to burn the bed. Wanted to shake Andy and scream because he was talking to a wall and it was killing him. He wanted Andy, needed Andy and it was a piece that was just gone from his life. Writhing away in this bed in the house and there was nothing in the outside world he could do to fix it. He’d given up on life it felt like and Joe couldn’t get it. Couldn’t understand because he was right there, he was there and he needed Andy, he needed him and Joe couldn’t do anything to save him. 

Christmas was a week away and Andy hadn’t so much as moved in the last day. Joe wondered if he was going to wake one day and Andy had just died, or taken off or something like that because that’s all he could see right now. The group went out to play in the snow out back, laughter ringing through the glass door and Joe watched them they needed a moment away from the house away from all this. Andy’s shift in mood affecting them all the way it had before he wouldn’t and couldn’t hold the need for this moment together away against them. He decided staying inside in case Andy needed him was the better choice on his part, which really it wasn’t. Checking on the other, on the weird lump in the bed, before heading to the side yard for his plants because. Sitting by the boxes and looking at the stuff managing to grow despite the freezing temperatures under the tarp. His fingers were freezing but the fresh air was nice. Getting out was nice. He couldn’t stand to be out on the side with all them but he needed air.

Andy was dying in that house, and following Matt right along down the path. He’d given up and Joe couldn’t stop him, couldn’t save him and it was killing him along side him. He wondered if Andy knew that, that if he was gone to Joe wasn’t sure how he was suppose to keep going. How this hell house was gonna keep running without the three of them, that his death could start the chain and bring the whole survival house down. This was it for them, three years of surviving, and they were taken out by this. He didn’t know what more he could do. If there was anything more he really could do. 

“Did you forget to lock the front door?” Kelly teased getting him out of his thoughts and handing him a thermos. He looked up taking it from her with a laugh, the warm spreading through the metal into his gloves. She must of noticed him come out here. 

“What do you mean?” Coffee was lifeblood to them now out here, feeling the warmth settle in his stomach as he looked at the snow covered city in the distance. So much white. . 

“Security says the front door was unlocked when I was filling a mug for you. Said the side door had been opened so I figured you were up to something.” He frowned brows coming together and looking up at her. He’d only used the side door coming out here. 

“I haven't touched the front door.” He said slowly. “Must of been one of the other guys.” She looked at him, concern washing her features that was already making his stomach twist together. 

“I left them all together when I headed back inside, and it said it was twenty minutes ago…we’ve...they’ve been out there with me the whole time so if it wasn’t you.” Joe’s eyes widened because it was only one person, one person outside this group and he fumbled dropping the thermos and bolting up to the house slipping a little on the snow and ignoring the pain running spread through his frozen body. Kelly was hot on his heels up into the house. Fucking….he wouldn’t. He couldn’t of. Joe couldn’t take it if Andy headed out alone if he’d reached the point of willingly walking into death. Slamming the glass door open and not frankly giving two fucks if he trailed snow all through the house, Kelly ran past him to the back door to go and tell the others, already looking up from the rattling of the house and doors being slammed. The door was opened slightly, and he’d shut it before leaving shoving it open fully and nearly falling. Eyes going wider than they had before. Fuck.

“Holy shit...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> get wrecked


	8. End.

The door thumped, hitting the wall of their bedroom oddly loud in the house. Andy expected Joe to start talking, mentioning what they did outside or something along those lines, he expected something, some sort of noise, and some sort of anything but it was silence. He wondered if Louis had wandered in, bumping into the door or something so he relaxed into their bed. Closing his eyes against the warmth of the blankets.

“You got rid of my bed?” His eyes snapped open, shooting up to look at the front door to the room. It..he was hallucinating, lack of sleep, lack of food was getting to him. He was sick. Matt just stood, staring at the space his bed went, and then looked up at Andy. “Holy shit you look worse than I do.” He said slowly, grinning a little. He was filthy, covered in mud, dirt, blood and some other stuff he was sure no one really wanted to know. He was just standing, and Andy stared at him, fingers shaking holding the blanket. He finally lost it, he’d finally fucking lost it all. He’d snapped. Matt touched his own chest looking down at himself. “I mean. I’m in pretty good condition considering what I went through…” He moved slowly towards Andy like approaching a wounded animal of some kind, afraid he’d lash out. Putting his hand on the other carefully. Andy made a distressed noise, looking up at Matt. “I’m real.” He said carefully, his joke about his bed was long lost, not expecting this to be what he came home to, or maybe he was. He honestly expected no one, so to see Andy...he just wanted the other to move, or make a noise, or do something other than stare dead through the other. 

Andy made a noise, choked and honestly one of the worst things Matt had ever heard and he’s heard people dying by now. He made another noise before he was pulling the other close, smearing some kind of red all over their bed. Matt shifted into his touch letting the other grab his arms, holding him tight fingers holding onto the other painfully as if he let go Matt would vanish. Andy sobbed shoulders shaking hard against the other and Matt just held back. He wasn’t expecting the other to pull away so suddenly and punch him in all this crying, specially so suddenly but god damn that’s what he got. Looking up from the floor at the smaller rubbing at his jaw and Andy went from looking so broken and destroyed to angry so quickly. He just stayed where he was. 

“Fuck you” He cried rubbing at his face. “I fucking hate you. I hate you so much. I…fucking hate you and your stupid selfish ass.” He continued, Matt didn’t take offense to it, just letting the other yell. “I was doing well. I was moving on….I..for a while I just wanted to die, I wanted to go back and make sure you were dead. I wanted to do so fucking much it was so overwhelming, I stopped knowing what I wanted. I stopped thinking this had any reason.” He ranted, choking off to cough and breath through his tears. “I just…gave up. And then the other guys and I sat around in the gym, with your hoodie and we came to…to some sort of resolution in our grief.” He shook his head, sniffing and letting Matt slowly move into the bed with him, pressing against the other again. “And then the holidays came..and I couldn’t stop thinking. About when I was alone for the first time fresh out of my Mom’s house and she’d left for Christmas, and you came over with the grossest cheapest vegan food and old movies and spent all Christmas with me, or when we moved into FC for the first year and you decorated my room while I was on tour.” He breathed out again looking up at Matt.

“Andy…” The taller said slowly and Andy shoved at him hard.

“Fucking listen.” He hissed. “I haven’t…I put Joe through so much shit. I put Joe through fucking hell because I just…I couldn’t get over it. I couldn’t push through it. The last two months…I just…and now you’re here..and your….and your and I should've gone back. I should've made sure you were…and I didn’t…I just.” He sobbed and Matt breathed adjusting and holding him tight. The door slammed open from where it’d drifted shut, and Matt looked up, looking at Joe, and Joe looked back.

“Holy shit.” Joe breathed. “Holy fucking shit.” Andy made a noise in Matt’s shirt and he let the other up.

“You can see him to?” The smaller asked and Joe nodded, still looking wide eyed at Matt because holy fucking shit. Andy dropped forward again, seeming more relieved the fact Joe confirmed Matt was real and he didn’t just vent to thin air or a dream and that it was Joe to confirm it. Matt was here, and real and he wasn’t about to just wake up like all the other times. 

“How…how the fuck did you…I…what the fuck.” Kelly ran up, Kim close behind and Pete.

“Joe is he-“She stopped, Kim bumping into her at the abruptness. Getting the same wide eyed look on their faces at the slight.

“Holy shit.” Pete breathed out. The four of them staring at Matt wrapped around Andy. “It’s…I mean it’s not a Z right we're not just sitting here while this thing eats Andy or something right?”

Matt couldn’t help but laugh. Rough and Andy’s fingers reached up curling in on his vest. “I’m not a Z Pweezy. Don’t worry, I’m…I guess a hundred percent human.” He didn’t seem really sure but they didn’t think that was quite what to address right now, more like how was he back. There were questions, so many questions. So many things they all wanted to ask that Andy could never answer for them in the last few months. Gathered around in this bedroom, this weird sense of unsure, unsure reality if this was real or were they all dreaming. Matt eventually freed himself from Andy, getting up to hug the others, everyone ignoring the stained clothes and smell and just. Hugging him.

“How about we let him shower, and all get in the living room so he can tell us the story all at once.” It was never a doubt that he was clean, that he wasn’t going to change. Matt would never put them in danger like that and if he saw it safe to come back, they’d all trust him. Patrick gestured for everyone to get out of the room and Matt followed snatching up a bag of his clothes no one could bring themselves to toss away. Joe was whispering to Andy, the two talking so he shut the door behind himself to give them some time. He didn’t think he’d come back and everything would be fine, he’d honestly expected Andy to come back for him, and he was glad when the other didn’t but he’d spent the last few weeks wondering if the other made it back at all. Wondering if he’d show up and everyone else would be dead, because that’s just how this world seemed to be going for them. He was glad to see that they were all okay, for the most part. All alive at least and maybe after a few weeks they’d be fully okay. For now, he’d shower, and tell them what happened. 

Joe looked Andy over, the smaller rubbing at his face, calming down holding onto Joe’s sleeves of his jacket. He was beyond relieved to see Andy hadn’t run, or left, or done something stupid along those lines. Glad to see the other was okay for the most part, and he wasn’t sure how to feel about Matt being alive. His main question being how, because Andy said he got bit. Andy knew he got bit and you weren’t okay after that. 

“I’m so sorry.” Andy whispered, faint and it took Joe a second to process that was what the other said, frowning and pushing him away to look at him but Andy didn’t meet his eyes.

“Why?” He asked, why was Andy sorry? 

“I fucked up. I really really fucked up.” He mumbled, sniffing. “I..I you were right here, and I just he’s back now and I realized it and what if he never came back? Was I going to be an idiot this whole time until...until when.” He rambled. “I was being stupid. Real fucking stupid and I was gonna...after christmas...but who knows when our last days would be and I was wasting them and I don’t know.” Joe grabbed at him carefully shaking his head.

“Babe...it’s. I understood okay? I wished every day you were okay, feeling better, that I could do something and I was going...I was losing my mind trying to help you but it’s not your fault. I think in time you would of gotten to your senses, you would of realized and gotten better with help...him coming back just helped you get to them faster.” He soothed, he hoped at least, he didn’t feel like a failure, he didn’t think he did anything wrong these last few months. He did everything he needed and it was up to Andy in the end, and yeah maybe he would've gotten better, maybe not. There’s no way to tell now and he’s fine with it seeing it ended up more on the happier side of shit in this hell. “Now come on, let’s go out and listen to what the fuck happened out there besides what you told me.” He was sure they’d talk more, now that the other was talking again, he hoped they’d talk more knowing there was a lot to go over, but for now. The two of them moved into the living room, everyone whispering together, talking about things going on. 

“He’s outside with John.” Pete commented, leaning over the back of the couch. Andy hummed nodding and moved to sit next to Kim and Patrick, the two smiling and Kim nudging Andy whispering to him about something. Joe breathed out, feeling Kage patting his back and the sliding door opened. Matt coming in and John close behind, both smiling and John flopped to sit on the other side of Andy. Andy nudging him and Joe feels like he’s missing something between them right now but Matt’s flopping down on the couch next to Morgan and Kelly and looking at all of them.

“So...explanations in order?” Pete snorted and Matt shrugged. “I mean...so. We were getting supplies, and I messed up, stumbled. Got bit.” He tugged his pant leg up and Andy squirmed. Joe reaching down to put his arms on his shoulders rubbing his thumbs into the bones and muscles. Soothing the best he could. 

“So...it. It doesn’t look like the other bites.” Morgan questioned. 

“I have no fucking idea man, I didn’t turn. I didn’t turn for a long time, and I got bit again, and didn’t turn. I just...nothing fucking happened so I survived down there for as long as I could. They stopped even caring about me and I mean it wasn’t like I was some freaky mutant zombie, I cut my hand and bled and it got kinda gross and I took care of it. I needed food, and water, and sleep. I just...don’t turn.” He gestured to himself, confused as all of them. “I don’t fucking know. Maybe they have an infection period, like after a certain time period they stop infecting...I don’t fucking know what I do know is...I waited. I waited and waited and I figured if it was gonna happen it would of and I came back.” He breathed out, looking around the group, everyone seemed on the level of confusion he was because that was it. He was back, he didn’t turn, what were they suppose to do with this. Was the world changing? Was everyone no longer turning? Or was he immune? Were there people immune? There were more questions than answers in all this.

“So...what happens now?” Joe asked, after everyone just stared off for awhile.

“We...we I guess just. Do what we always do.” Pete offered. “We go...go back to living, go back to surviving and fighting and just….see when winter ends what happens after that.” It seemed, kind of empty now. After all this to just go back to living back to the way things were.

“Can I have my bed back?” Matt asked, looking at the others.

“No.” Andy mumbled, dropping his head into his hands and laughing. This was the world they were living in now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case your wondering about the John and Matt talk it's on my tumblr and stuff it's just a side story with some of the characters I have running, there's nothing really revealed in that other than more emotionally what Matt went through blah blah.


End file.
